I am sorry I haven't written much lately. It is the puddle monster's fault. You may not have ever heard of the puddle monster, but he is very irritating.
The puddle monster comes into our house at night. I do not know how he gets in. I try to be on high alert, but I get sleepy. The puddle monster comes in and leaves little yellow puddles on the floor. They are stinky! My people think I am to blame. I am the only dog that does not stay in a kennel, so I guess they think I should be stopping him. But he is very sneaky!
I guess my people decided to punish me for not stopping the puddle monster. They put me in the kennel now too. I DO NOT LIKE IT! But that is why I can't write as much any more. My best ideas come at night, but I am stuck in the kennel!
The puddle monster is very clever. Since I have been in the kennel, he has been skipping our house. Some day I will find him and stop him! If I ever get out of the kennel.
Showing posts with label DO NOT LIKE. Show all posts
Showing posts with label DO NOT LIKE. Show all posts
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Ruff Day
Some days are ruff-er than others.
Yesterday my people took all three of us dogs for a ride in the car. I like riding in the car. I run everywhere in the car and I get to look out all the windows. If I run fast enough, I can look out most of them at the same time.
This ride did not end fun. My people took us to the all day dog attitude adjuster. I am not sure why.
First, the torture lady separated us and locked us in small cages. Solitary confinement! I DO NOT LIKE!!!! I could hear Snowy softly whining, but I could not see her to talk to her very well. We stayed in solitary for a long time! I thought it was going to be forever! I did not have my emergency bacon with me!
I heard the torture lady coming. She got Snowy and left. Soon I heard the buzzing of a torture device and Snowy whimpering. Then the lady brought Snowy back, but I could not see her. I did not know how she was. I was hoping she still had all her legs!
Then the lady came for me. I decided I would try and be a good dog and hope for leniency. The lady put me on a cold table. I was still nice. Then she PUT ME ON A LEASH! ON THE TABLE! And she did not even take me on a walk outside!
I heard the crazy buzzing start. Then she came at me with it. I might have peed a little bit, but I was trying to be a good dog! The buzzy thing did not hurt at all, but it took my coat! She even TOUCHED MY PAW! I started to get cold. The lady and her noisy device took most of my fur and then put me back in solitary. Why would they take my furry coat when it is winter? Brrrrrr!
After my people rescued all of us and took us home, we went to the back yard. It was nice to run and play, but it was COLD! I might have been a little grumpy. I ran around the yard sniffing everything. Snowy asked what I was doing. I shouted, "I'm looking for the man who touched my paw!"
Yesterday my people took all three of us dogs for a ride in the car. I like riding in the car. I run everywhere in the car and I get to look out all the windows. If I run fast enough, I can look out most of them at the same time.
This ride did not end fun. My people took us to the all day dog attitude adjuster. I am not sure why.
First, the torture lady separated us and locked us in small cages. Solitary confinement! I DO NOT LIKE!!!! I could hear Snowy softly whining, but I could not see her to talk to her very well. We stayed in solitary for a long time! I thought it was going to be forever! I did not have my emergency bacon with me!
I heard the torture lady coming. She got Snowy and left. Soon I heard the buzzing of a torture device and Snowy whimpering. Then the lady brought Snowy back, but I could not see her. I did not know how she was. I was hoping she still had all her legs!
Then the lady came for me. I decided I would try and be a good dog and hope for leniency. The lady put me on a cold table. I was still nice. Then she PUT ME ON A LEASH! ON THE TABLE! And she did not even take me on a walk outside!
I heard the crazy buzzing start. Then she came at me with it. I might have peed a little bit, but I was trying to be a good dog! The buzzy thing did not hurt at all, but it took my coat! She even TOUCHED MY PAW! I started to get cold. The lady and her noisy device took most of my fur and then put me back in solitary. Why would they take my furry coat when it is winter? Brrrrrr!
After my people rescued all of us and took us home, we went to the back yard. It was nice to run and play, but it was COLD! I might have been a little grumpy. I ran around the yard sniffing everything. Snowy asked what I was doing. I shouted, "I'm looking for the man who touched my paw!"
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Thanksgiving
People are saying happy thanksgiving. Do I look happy? I am on the wrong side of the door! Ham is on the OTHER SIDE!! I DO NOT LIKE! Turkey is on the other side!
I would be thankful if I had thumbs and could open the door. I would be thankful if my people would open the door. I would be thankful if someone could deliver thanksgiving dinner to the back porch. Please?
I would be thankful if I had thumbs and could open the door. I would be thankful if my people would open the door. I would be thankful if someone could deliver thanksgiving dinner to the back porch. Please?
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Down by the lake
The other day I was down by the lake. The sun was shining and I was happily frolicking in the grass. Maybe you are not familiar with frolicking. I will be more specific. When the sun is shiny and warm, I roll over on my back and hurl myself back and forth like a big, hyper, and very furry worm. And frantic. But very, very happy.
So I was on my back in the grass by the lake. Then I heard a splat. Instantly I was on my feet and at high alert. I quickly noticed the goose poop right next to me. Then I saw the goose. His beady, lifeless eyes bore into my skull.
"Hey! You pooped in my general direction!" He only stared.
"It is NOT NICE to poop in the general direction of a ferocious and brave pooch like me!"
"HONK!!!!"
I did what any self-respecting canine would do. I peed a little and then barked at that goose of doom!
"Bark, bark!"
He lazily turned his head then flew away. I DO NOT LIKE THE GOOSE OF DOOM! I knew this was not the end.
So I was on my back in the grass by the lake. Then I heard a splat. Instantly I was on my feet and at high alert. I quickly noticed the goose poop right next to me. Then I saw the goose. His beady, lifeless eyes bore into my skull.
"Hey! You pooped in my general direction!" He only stared.
"It is NOT NICE to poop in the general direction of a ferocious and brave pooch like me!"
"HONK!!!!"
I did what any self-respecting canine would do. I peed a little and then barked at that goose of doom!
"Bark, bark!"
He lazily turned his head then flew away. I DO NOT LIKE THE GOOSE OF DOOM! I knew this was not the end.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Deeper into the hole!
I already told you about the hole I found in the creek behind my fence. If you missed that part, you should read it now. It is here.
I am brave. I needed to go back and find the source of the very Interesting Smell that I had smelled with my super-powerful, enhanced-through-ninja-training dog nose.
I went back. This time I had my adventure pack with me. My adventure pack includes a hard hat for my head. The hat has a flashlight built in. My adventure pack also has bacon in it. In case of emergencies.
When I arrived at the hole, it was still there. It still smelled very interesting. I decided this was an emergency so I ate all the bacon. Then I put my hat on and went down.
The big pit was still in the big room down the tunnels. I found the ledge and decided to go to the other side. It was very narrow, but I am brave and really kind of small. I went for it.
The rock on the ledge was loose and slippery. I am brave and I made it to the other side. On the other side I saw another tunnel and I could tell the Interesting Smell was closer. I followed my nose down the tunnel.
After following the tunnel through many twists and turns, it opened to another big room. This was the biggest room I had ever seen! Interesting Smell lived here! A dragon also lived here! Yikes!
The dragon was sleeping and I am very brave. So I smelled him. The dragon is the Interesting Smell! Mystery solved! The dragon stirred. I turned and RAN. I saw smoke come out his nose as I turned. I saw fire lick the sides of the tunnel around me. I DO NOT LIKE!!!!
I quickly made it back to the first room and crossed the ledge. As I got to the hole, I looked back. On the other side of the pit stood the dragon. He almost looked like he didn't want to eat me. He looked lonely. He looked like he needed a friend. Everyone needs a friend. But I DO NOT LIKE to get eaten, so I left.
I decided I would try to find dragon food and then come back and try to train this dragon. He smelled very interesting!
I am brave. I needed to go back and find the source of the very Interesting Smell that I had smelled with my super-powerful, enhanced-through-ninja-training dog nose.
I went back. This time I had my adventure pack with me. My adventure pack includes a hard hat for my head. The hat has a flashlight built in. My adventure pack also has bacon in it. In case of emergencies.
When I arrived at the hole, it was still there. It still smelled very interesting. I decided this was an emergency so I ate all the bacon. Then I put my hat on and went down.
The big pit was still in the big room down the tunnels. I found the ledge and decided to go to the other side. It was very narrow, but I am brave and really kind of small. I went for it.
The rock on the ledge was loose and slippery. I am brave and I made it to the other side. On the other side I saw another tunnel and I could tell the Interesting Smell was closer. I followed my nose down the tunnel.
After following the tunnel through many twists and turns, it opened to another big room. This was the biggest room I had ever seen! Interesting Smell lived here! A dragon also lived here! Yikes!
The dragon was sleeping and I am very brave. So I smelled him. The dragon is the Interesting Smell! Mystery solved! The dragon stirred. I turned and RAN. I saw smoke come out his nose as I turned. I saw fire lick the sides of the tunnel around me. I DO NOT LIKE!!!!
I quickly made it back to the first room and crossed the ledge. As I got to the hole, I looked back. On the other side of the pit stood the dragon. He almost looked like he didn't want to eat me. He looked lonely. He looked like he needed a friend. Everyone needs a friend. But I DO NOT LIKE to get eaten, so I left.
I decided I would try to find dragon food and then come back and try to train this dragon. He smelled very interesting!
Friday, November 9, 2012
Alone time
I am a pretty cute doggie. Some days I just don't want my picture taken, though. Please respect that. And don't touch my paw!
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Regarding the Paw
I have a rule. It is a simple rule but humans seem to have trouble with it.
YOU DON'T TOUCH THE PAW, THE PAW TOUCHES YOU!
I like to be scratched behind my ears, on my back, and on my belly. I provide ample surface area for your dog petting needs. Yet for some reason, humans want to touch my paw. I DO NOT LIKE!!
My paw is mine. I may touch you with it, but you much never touch it. I may sit on your chest and put my paw on your face when you forget to pet me. That is ok. But when you touch, pet, or even worse, grab my paw, I will run away. Then you will need to give me some bacon or cheese (but not scary cheese).
YOU DON'T TOUCH THE PAW, THE PAW TOUCHES YOU!
I like to be scratched behind my ears, on my back, and on my belly. I provide ample surface area for your dog petting needs. Yet for some reason, humans want to touch my paw. I DO NOT LIKE!!
My paw is mine. I may touch you with it, but you much never touch it. I may sit on your chest and put my paw on your face when you forget to pet me. That is ok. But when you touch, pet, or even worse, grab my paw, I will run away. Then you will need to give me some bacon or cheese (but not scary cheese).
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