Milkshake madness

I am very, very disappointed. I love to ride in the car. I love bacon. Look at this picture:

This is my sister, Tiny. This is obviously at Sonic (America's drive-in). She's obviously ordering a peanut butter and bacon shake. She is even in a car. I love to ride in the car! I stick my head out the window and let my tongue hang out. It flapped up and poked me in the eye once. That was embarrassing.

But back to my point. Do you see me in this picture? NO! I got left at home. I am not a bad dog. They just left me behind. I am always helpful in the car, running quickly between all the windows. I am always on the lookout for geese and squirrels so I can tell Mama to swerve! They can be quick, but I know she will get one some day.

Next time, Tiny. Next time. The bacon shake will be mine.

Dog days

It is hot around here! I try to stay quiet so my people don't make me go outside. There are samurai squirrels and geese of doom gunning for me out there.

I am a brave dog, not frightened by geese and squirrels. But that heat is hot! I would rather nap on the couch all day.

Thank you.

Pete's Castle

Once upon a time there was a dog named Pete. He was a great and majestic king.

All was not well in the kingdom. King Pete had been having a ruff day. He decided to have a feast and invite all his friends. He ordered his 47 kitty-servants to make the preparations.

Pete ran into the dining hall. He jumped up onto the table, eager to begin the feast. He sat attentively at the end of the table, watching the kitties bring in dish after glorious dish of food. The smell of roasted goose, crispy bacon, and cheese penetrated the regal air surrounding him. He almost began drooling, but managed to hold his composure.

The feast table was full but something was still missing. He summoned his kitty-servants and ordered them to call all his friend and ask them to come right away!

Bob, the dragon, was the first to arrive. It helped that he lived in the castle, valiantly guarding its high walls day and night.

Possum, the earth worm was next. He is never very far away. Plus he's a ninja.

Many, many other friends came. Beaver, the raccoon was there. Sparrow, the mockingbird came too. Pete's good friend Elephant, the red fox wouldn't have missed it. Of course, Tiny and Snowy (the dogs) were there too. All his squirrel buddies were there too. A grand time was had by all!

While everyone else ate, the kitty-servants dressed up in funny costumes. Some blew songs on trumpets while others danced around and did acrobatics.

Suddenly, everyone heard a large "SPLAT" sound coming from the roof. Everyone got quiet very quickly. That sound could only mean that the vicious geese of doom were attacking. They couldn't stand for anyone in the kingdom to have fun!

But Pete is a brave dog! He is a valiant king! "No goose of doom is going to ruin our fun! Come with me, everyone, we will teach them a lesson. We must stand and fight! Me must defend the castle and defend our right to FEAST! Onward! For BACON!"

With renewed courage, every animal stormed to the castle towers. They worked together to load the anti-goose canons. Bob ran from canon to canon, lighting them with his breath. Possum (the worm) helped spot the geese. Others busied themselves loading ammo, hauling gunpowder, or aiming the giant canons.

Boom after gigantic boom filled the night. The animals all stood in awe at the incredible display of fireworks filling the dark sky. Geese were fleeing in all directions. The feast was saved!

Pete led his friends downstairs, where the kitties were all cowering under the table. Pete thought it would be a great time to do a celebration dance. But, after he spun in three circles, he realized that he was tired. Everyone took a big nap instead.

In for ruff weather

Today the weather was ruff. It was cold, snowy, and sleety, so I had to stay inside with Tiny and Snowy. Inside is boring.

Since I was stuck inside I decided to do something awesome. I am awesome pretty much every day. Today I decided to make the best paper airplane ever!

First I needed supplies. I snuck outside and collected some sticks and leaves and stuff. They are my favorite construction materials. I arranged them like an airplane. Then I dumped glue on them. It was ready for its first flight!

I needed a pilot. I found a squirrel. I glued him to the airplane. Time to fly!

I snuck back inside the house and then went up on the deck. I shouted "Fly, squirrel, fly!" and threw it as hard as I could.

Thunk.

The squirrel didn't fly. Too many acorns in him, I think.

"Don't worry, I'm coming!" I yelled down to the squirrel.

When I got there, his tail and leg were twitching funny. I asked if he was ok, but all he said was "tackatackatacka". That's pretty much what all squirrels always say to me. So I threw him over the fence into the Miller's yard. Time for a new plane!

Egyptian Fat Bird

I got more sticks and leaves and vines and stuff. This time I used tape instead of glue. This time I got an Egyptian Fat Bird instead of a squirrel. They don't weigh as much. I taped the bird to the sticks.

"Fly, Egyptian Fat Bird, Fly!"

As I threw the new plane and pilot into the air, the tape pretty much stopped sticking. Leaves, vines, and tape fell to the ground. A stick stayed taped to each of the bird's feet, though. They looked like little skis. And it flew! In fact, it flew so well that it kept going and I never saw it again.


Success! Awesome! Success!

That snot funny!

I may have a ruff live, but I have some great adventures.

The other day I wanted to have some fun so I went to Bob's house. I don't know if you remember, but Bob is a dragon. He lives behind my backyard. He's a lot of fun. I knew we were going to have a lot of fun, so I strapped my little doggie's explorer headlamp onto my head, filled my emergency survival pack with bacon, and headed out.

I knocked on Bob's door. He answered but he didn't look good at all. His eyes were all droopy and he was greener than normal, with a hint of blue too. And a touch of yellow. And purple. I am lucky I am such a short dog! He sneezed as he opened the door and that caused a big explosion of flaming snot! It flew right over my head and incinerated a passing raccoon. Poor raccoon!

Bob said he was sick and had a cold. I asked what I could do to help him get better. I was going to offer him my bacon, but I ate it between the time I knocked and the time he opened the door. He said there really wasn't anything that would help, he just needed to rest.

I think there are cures for the dragon cold. I was determined to find them.

I went down to the lake to find the remedy. I gathered up some leaves and sticks and stuff to make a potion. And some fish bones. And a shell. An old pop can, a bobber, and a plastic worm. I saw some geese of doom and was going to grab them, but they saw me coming and flew off.

I dumped all the ingredients in an old hubcap I found, filled it to the brim with lake water, and ran back to Bob's house. I didn't have a way to heat up this magical soup, but I thought that was ok.

Bob answered the door again. I told him that I found the cure! He was excited! I spun in lots of circles. Then I was dizzy and sat down. Bob lifted the cure to his lips. I wagged my little tail stump.

Right as he started taking his first sip a big sneeze hit. Boy, that was a mess! He had flaming bobbers and plastic worms buried in flaming snot dripping down his wall! Ew!  I don't think his mom was very happy with me.

I think tomorrow I'll let him get some rest. Maybe I'll go ballooning.

I am interesting

You may know this from reading this blog, but I am a pretty interesting dog. A lot of dogs have blogs, but not a lot of dogs have dragons, puddle monsters, and geese of doom.

When I was born I was a normal puppy. That was before I met my dragon or my friends Snowy and Tiny. That was before I moved in with the people I live with now.

My mommy sent me to obedience school. Apparently I already knew everything because I only had to go one day and they wouldn't let me come back. I think that means I graduated.

After graduation, I met a worm named Possum. He changed my life. I think he was a ninja. Possum taught me most of my ninja skills. That is why I usually look blurry in pictures. Here is a picture of me that is not blurry. But notice the tongue. Possum (the worm) taught me that move.

Christmas 2012

Hello everybody. Merry Christmas, my name is Pete. I’m a dog. 2012 has been a crazy and exciting year!

 

First I have to tell you about my boys! Will is one of my favorite boys ever. When Ma and Pa want to put me out at night, I run and snuggle on his bed. Then they don’t put me out. Joey is my other favorite boy. He feeds me. He puts me out sometimes, which I DO NOT LIKE!!! But he feeds me, too. I appreciate that.

Ma lets me sit on her lap at the table in the morning while she drinks coffee. That is nice. Then she puts me outside, which is not nice. Pa is really good at scratching behind my ears. Sometimes he sneaks me some bacon, but he likes it a lot too so it doesn’t happen much.

Oh, I just remembered the time of the days of lots of outside time. It happened TWICE! My boys and Ma and Pa went some castle that is owned by a mouse or something. I had to stay outside A LOT!!! They say they had fun, but I saw a picture and I think they are crazy.  Do they look normal? When they got home I had to do eight happy spins and then lick them each on the face.

A different time, I had to stay outside a lot again. Ma and Pa went someplace called Brazil. They probably have bacon there or something because they went last year too and think it’s a pretty special place. They called it a mission trip. I go on missions to find bacon or cheese and to save the world from being enslaved by geese of doom, but I think what they did might have been different. I found a picture of that too.

 

Some people think I am a goofy dog. I guess it is because I have a pet dragon named Bob and spend a lot of time battling the geese of doom down by the lake. But my life is full of love, laughter, and imagination. These things make a house a home, make a Christmas happy, and can make life worth living for this little puppy. 

On behalf of my people, I want to wish you a merry Christmas and happy holidays. May it be filled with love, laughter, and a little imagination too. And bacon.

Love,

Pete (and David, Christy, Joey, and Will too)

Little dog, big grudge

I am not a very big dog. I have a big heart and I am very brave. My feelings do get hurt some times, and this time is one of those times. I will tell you about it.

This was just Christmas here where I am. You may have had Christmas, too. My people were not being very good at writing a letter to send to all of their friends for Christmas. Most years they do that, because they like to keep in touch with everyone. This year they were being slow. So, I swooped in. I love to save the day and I am very good at it. So I wrote a Christmas letter for them.

And they didn't send it. They didn't send it to anyone at all. So I am mad. I may post it here since they didn't send it out.  They did give me a few chewy bones for Christmas, so I think I will forgive them.

Puddle Monster

I am sorry I haven't written much lately. It is the puddle monster's fault. You may not have ever heard of the puddle monster, but he is very irritating.

The puddle monster comes into our house at night. I do not know how he gets in. I try to be on high alert, but I get sleepy. The puddle monster comes in and leaves little yellow puddles on the floor. They are stinky! My people think I am to blame. I am the only dog that does not stay in a kennel, so I guess they think I should be stopping him. But he is very sneaky!

I guess my people decided to punish me for not stopping the puddle monster. They put me in the kennel now too. I DO NOT LIKE IT! But that is why I can't write as much any more. My best ideas come at night, but I am stuck in the kennel!

The puddle monster is very clever. Since I have been in the kennel, he has been skipping our house. Some day I will find him and stop him! If I ever get out of the kennel.

All I want for Christmas

Dear Santa,

I need more bacon for my emergency kit. And I need my fur to grow back before it gets any colder. I also have a list:

• Bacon
• Goose of doom bait
• Goose traps
• An extra, extra, extra large scarf for my dragon (black and brown, like me)
• night vision goggles, with a strap so they stay on my head
• A new parachute, my old one broke in a mid-air collision with a goose
• Flame thrower, extra short (I am brave, not tall)
• Subscription to the bacon of the month club

I have been pretty good this year, for me. Every time I ran away from home, I came back. I only made messes on the floor when it was an emergency. And the only geese I ate were evil ones. I even shared my bacon with a dragon once. 

Love alway,

Peter Barker

A Funny Olympic Game

Today was a funny day. I have to tell you about it.

Bob, my dragon, took me to an Olympic game. It was a game where geese of doom teamed up with cats to compete for medals and stuff.

I watched one event with a few of my friends. One was a chihuahua, one was a dachshund, and then there was Bob. The geese were holding up hoops for the cats they were paired up with. It was pretty crazy.

The goose held up a hoop and then started honking insanely. The cat didn't even flinch. It would turn its head away from the general direction of the goose and then start licking its paw and its belly adn other stuff. That just made the goose MAD! It was hilarious!

Then I got an idea. I whispered it to my friends. We counted 1-2-3 and then started barking suddenly and furiously. And Bob roared real loud too. The cat jumped straight up in the air like cats do when you scare them real good. The quick thinking goose turned the hoop sideways so that when the cat came down, he fell straight through the hoop!

Well, that made the cat really mad. He took a swipe at the goose's bill and then walked off with his tail high in the air like nothing happened. That goose was pretty happy, though, because he won a gold medal!

When he comes back to our lake, it'll almost be a shame to eat him. He is a gold medal winning goose, after all.

Ruff Day

Some days are ruff-er than others.

Yesterday my people took all three of us dogs for a ride in the car. I like riding in the car. I run everywhere in the car and I get to look out all the windows. If I run fast enough, I can look out most of them at the same time.

This ride did not end fun. My people took us to the all day dog attitude adjuster. I am not sure why.

First, the torture lady separated us and locked us in small cages. Solitary confinement! I DO NOT LIKE!!!!  I could hear Snowy softly whining, but I could not see her to talk to her very well.  We stayed in solitary for a long time! I thought it was going to be forever! I did not have my emergency bacon with me!

I heard the torture lady coming. She got Snowy and left.  Soon I heard the buzzing of a torture device and Snowy whimpering. Then the lady brought Snowy back, but I could not see her. I did not know how she was. I was hoping she still had all her legs!

Then the lady came for me. I decided I would try and be a good dog and hope for leniency. The lady put me on a cold table. I was still nice. Then she PUT ME ON A LEASH! ON THE TABLE! And she did not even take me on a walk outside!

I heard the crazy buzzing start. Then she came at me with it. I might have peed a little bit, but I was trying to be a good dog! The buzzy thing did not hurt at all, but it took my coat! She even TOUCHED MY PAW!  I started to get cold. The lady and her noisy device took most of my fur and then put me back in solitary. Why would they take my furry coat when it is winter? Brrrrrr!

After my people rescued all of us and took us home, we went to the back yard. It was nice to run and play, but it was COLD!  I might have been a little grumpy. I ran around the yard sniffing everything. Snowy asked what I was doing. I shouted, "I'm looking for the man who touched my paw!"

Dragon Taming

I must not keep you in suspense any longer! Time to tell you more about my dragon adventure.

I knew taming a dragon would be a challenge. I am a brave dog, I am up for any challenge. I made a new ninja dog adventurer's emergency preparedness backpack and headed back to the dragon's underground lair.

As I descended into the darkness, I strapped my lantern to my head. When I arrived in the first large room, I decided it was an emergency so I ate all my bacon again. Bacon is good!

When the bacon was gone, I looked up and there was the dragon. He is a big dragon! I am a little dog! I could feel his hot breath on my nose. It smelled interesting. I may have lost myself in the tantalizing smells for a few minutes. Then I remembered... there was a fire-breathing dragon staring me down! This is an emergency!  Luckily, I had a few bacon crumbs left in my emergency pack. I held them out to the dragon.

Slowly, he lowered his head and smelled my paw.  He did not touch my paw, so I approved (no one touches my paw).  He sniffed the bacon and began to smile. I dropped the bacon on the ground and he ate it up.

I said, "Mr. Dragon, we have something in common! I love bacon. Let us be friends and we can eat bacon together!"

Mr. Dragon smiled and I knew we would be friends. I said, "Mr. Dragon, we are friends. We are two of the bravest creatures on earth. We will have wonderful adventures together!"

He said, "Where did that puddle come from? Is it lemonade?"

Dragon poem

I love my dragon, my dragon loves me
His breath is very, very fiery
His wings are big and leathery
He thinks I am the very best Petey
He lives under my backyard
And we eat geese.

Dignity

I lost my dignity but I found some ham. I call that a win for me any day!

Thanksgiving

People are saying happy thanksgiving. Do I look happy? I am on the wrong side of the door! Ham is on the OTHER SIDE!! I DO NOT LIKE! Turkey is on the other side!

I would be thankful if I had thumbs and could open the door. I would be thankful if my people would open the door. I would be thankful if someone could deliver thanksgiving dinner to the back porch. Please?

Down by the lake

The other day I was down by the lake. The sun was shining and I was happily frolicking in the grass. Maybe you are not familiar with frolicking. I will be more specific. When the sun is shiny and warm, I roll over on my back and hurl myself back and forth like a big, hyper, and very furry worm. And frantic. But very, very happy.

So I was on my back in the grass by the lake. Then I heard a splat. Instantly I was on my feet and at high alert. I quickly noticed the goose poop right next to me. Then I saw the goose. His beady, lifeless eyes bore into my skull.

"Hey! You pooped in my general direction!"  He only stared.

"It is NOT NICE to poop in the general direction of a ferocious and brave pooch like me!"

"HONK!!!!"

I did what any self-respecting canine would do. I peed a little and then barked at that goose of doom! 

"Bark, bark!"

He lazily turned his head then flew away. I DO NOT LIKE THE GOOSE OF DOOM! I knew this was not the end.

Hood of shame?

I said I would play a prank on Snowy.  I can not find a picture of her wearing a cone of shame, but this is pretty close. Doesn't she look happy?  I do not think this sweater fits her!  She sure is pretty, though.

Me and geese

You know that I am brave. I have told you this a bunch of times. I am a brave dog! 

I live near a lake. The lake has geese. We call them geese of doom. We call them that because they are evil. When I get out, I try to run to the lake so I can bark at them. They do not like this, but it is ok because I do not like them! I hope they will fly away to a different lake. Then our lake will be full of ducks, fish, and turtles, which I do like. Well, I do not like turtles a whole lot, but they are better than geese. Turtles do not honk!

One more thing. I must play a prank on Snowy soon. She wrote on my blog.

Ha ha!

Hi! This is Snowy. I am a good dog. Pete forgot to log out! I like butterflies. Pete is silly.

I like pretty things. Butterflies are pretty. Flowers are pretty. My friend Tiny is pretty. Mama is very pretty. Pete is not pretty. But I like him ok anyway. Bye!