Christmas 2012

Hello everybody. Merry Christmas, my name is Pete. I’m a dog. 2012 has been a crazy and exciting year!

 

First I have to tell you about my boys! Will is one of my favorite boys ever. When Ma and Pa want to put me out at night, I run and snuggle on his bed. Then they don’t put me out. Joey is my other favorite boy. He feeds me. He puts me out sometimes, which I DO NOT LIKE!!! But he feeds me, too. I appreciate that.

Ma lets me sit on her lap at the table in the morning while she drinks coffee. That is nice. Then she puts me outside, which is not nice. Pa is really good at scratching behind my ears. Sometimes he sneaks me some bacon, but he likes it a lot too so it doesn’t happen much.

Oh, I just remembered the time of the days of lots of outside time. It happened TWICE! My boys and Ma and Pa went some castle that is owned by a mouse or something. I had to stay outside A LOT!!! They say they had fun, but I saw a picture and I think they are crazy.  Do they look normal? When they got home I had to do eight happy spins and then lick them each on the face.

A different time, I had to stay outside a lot again. Ma and Pa went someplace called Brazil. They probably have bacon there or something because they went last year too and think it’s a pretty special place. They called it a mission trip. I go on missions to find bacon or cheese and to save the world from being enslaved by geese of doom, but I think what they did might have been different. I found a picture of that too.

 

Some people think I am a goofy dog. I guess it is because I have a pet dragon named Bob and spend a lot of time battling the geese of doom down by the lake. But my life is full of love, laughter, and imagination. These things make a house a home, make a Christmas happy, and can make life worth living for this little puppy. 

On behalf of my people, I want to wish you a merry Christmas and happy holidays. May it be filled with love, laughter, and a little imagination too. And bacon.

Love,

Pete (and David, Christy, Joey, and Will too)

Little dog, big grudge

I am not a very big dog. I have a big heart and I am very brave. My feelings do get hurt some times, and this time is one of those times. I will tell you about it.

This was just Christmas here where I am. You may have had Christmas, too. My people were not being very good at writing a letter to send to all of their friends for Christmas. Most years they do that, because they like to keep in touch with everyone. This year they were being slow. So, I swooped in. I love to save the day and I am very good at it. So I wrote a Christmas letter for them.

And they didn't send it. They didn't send it to anyone at all. So I am mad. I may post it here since they didn't send it out.  They did give me a few chewy bones for Christmas, so I think I will forgive them.

Puddle Monster

I am sorry I haven't written much lately. It is the puddle monster's fault. You may not have ever heard of the puddle monster, but he is very irritating.

The puddle monster comes into our house at night. I do not know how he gets in. I try to be on high alert, but I get sleepy. The puddle monster comes in and leaves little yellow puddles on the floor. They are stinky! My people think I am to blame. I am the only dog that does not stay in a kennel, so I guess they think I should be stopping him. But he is very sneaky!

I guess my people decided to punish me for not stopping the puddle monster. They put me in the kennel now too. I DO NOT LIKE IT! But that is why I can't write as much any more. My best ideas come at night, but I am stuck in the kennel!

The puddle monster is very clever. Since I have been in the kennel, he has been skipping our house. Some day I will find him and stop him! If I ever get out of the kennel.

All I want for Christmas

Dear Santa,

I need more bacon for my emergency kit. And I need my fur to grow back before it gets any colder. I also have a list:

• Bacon
• Goose of doom bait
• Goose traps
• An extra, extra, extra large scarf for my dragon (black and brown, like me)
• night vision goggles, with a strap so they stay on my head
• A new parachute, my old one broke in a mid-air collision with a goose
• Flame thrower, extra short (I am brave, not tall)
• Subscription to the bacon of the month club

I have been pretty good this year, for me. Every time I ran away from home, I came back. I only made messes on the floor when it was an emergency. And the only geese I ate were evil ones. I even shared my bacon with a dragon once. 

Love alway,

Peter Barker

A Funny Olympic Game

Today was a funny day. I have to tell you about it.

Bob, my dragon, took me to an Olympic game. It was a game where geese of doom teamed up with cats to compete for medals and stuff.

I watched one event with a few of my friends. One was a chihuahua, one was a dachshund, and then there was Bob. The geese were holding up hoops for the cats they were paired up with. It was pretty crazy.

The goose held up a hoop and then started honking insanely. The cat didn't even flinch. It would turn its head away from the general direction of the goose and then start licking its paw and its belly adn other stuff. That just made the goose MAD! It was hilarious!

Then I got an idea. I whispered it to my friends. We counted 1-2-3 and then started barking suddenly and furiously. And Bob roared real loud too. The cat jumped straight up in the air like cats do when you scare them real good. The quick thinking goose turned the hoop sideways so that when the cat came down, he fell straight through the hoop!

Well, that made the cat really mad. He took a swipe at the goose's bill and then walked off with his tail high in the air like nothing happened. That goose was pretty happy, though, because he won a gold medal!

When he comes back to our lake, it'll almost be a shame to eat him. He is a gold medal winning goose, after all.

Ruff Day

Some days are ruff-er than others.

Yesterday my people took all three of us dogs for a ride in the car. I like riding in the car. I run everywhere in the car and I get to look out all the windows. If I run fast enough, I can look out most of them at the same time.

This ride did not end fun. My people took us to the all day dog attitude adjuster. I am not sure why.

First, the torture lady separated us and locked us in small cages. Solitary confinement! I DO NOT LIKE!!!!  I could hear Snowy softly whining, but I could not see her to talk to her very well.  We stayed in solitary for a long time! I thought it was going to be forever! I did not have my emergency bacon with me!

I heard the torture lady coming. She got Snowy and left.  Soon I heard the buzzing of a torture device and Snowy whimpering. Then the lady brought Snowy back, but I could not see her. I did not know how she was. I was hoping she still had all her legs!

Then the lady came for me. I decided I would try and be a good dog and hope for leniency. The lady put me on a cold table. I was still nice. Then she PUT ME ON A LEASH! ON THE TABLE! And she did not even take me on a walk outside!

I heard the crazy buzzing start. Then she came at me with it. I might have peed a little bit, but I was trying to be a good dog! The buzzy thing did not hurt at all, but it took my coat! She even TOUCHED MY PAW!  I started to get cold. The lady and her noisy device took most of my fur and then put me back in solitary. Why would they take my furry coat when it is winter? Brrrrrr!

After my people rescued all of us and took us home, we went to the back yard. It was nice to run and play, but it was COLD!  I might have been a little grumpy. I ran around the yard sniffing everything. Snowy asked what I was doing. I shouted, "I'm looking for the man who touched my paw!"

Dragon Taming

I must not keep you in suspense any longer! Time to tell you more about my dragon adventure.

I knew taming a dragon would be a challenge. I am a brave dog, I am up for any challenge. I made a new ninja dog adventurer's emergency preparedness backpack and headed back to the dragon's underground lair.

As I descended into the darkness, I strapped my lantern to my head. When I arrived in the first large room, I decided it was an emergency so I ate all my bacon again. Bacon is good!

When the bacon was gone, I looked up and there was the dragon. He is a big dragon! I am a little dog! I could feel his hot breath on my nose. It smelled interesting. I may have lost myself in the tantalizing smells for a few minutes. Then I remembered... there was a fire-breathing dragon staring me down! This is an emergency!  Luckily, I had a few bacon crumbs left in my emergency pack. I held them out to the dragon.

Slowly, he lowered his head and smelled my paw.  He did not touch my paw, so I approved (no one touches my paw).  He sniffed the bacon and began to smile. I dropped the bacon on the ground and he ate it up.

I said, "Mr. Dragon, we have something in common! I love bacon. Let us be friends and we can eat bacon together!"

Mr. Dragon smiled and I knew we would be friends. I said, "Mr. Dragon, we are friends. We are two of the bravest creatures on earth. We will have wonderful adventures together!"

He said, "Where did that puddle come from? Is it lemonade?"

Dragon poem

I love my dragon, my dragon loves me
His breath is very, very fiery
His wings are big and leathery
He thinks I am the very best Petey
He lives under my backyard
And we eat geese.

Dignity

I lost my dignity but I found some ham. I call that a win for me any day!

Thanksgiving

People are saying happy thanksgiving. Do I look happy? I am on the wrong side of the door! Ham is on the OTHER SIDE!! I DO NOT LIKE! Turkey is on the other side!

I would be thankful if I had thumbs and could open the door. I would be thankful if my people would open the door. I would be thankful if someone could deliver thanksgiving dinner to the back porch. Please?

Down by the lake

The other day I was down by the lake. The sun was shining and I was happily frolicking in the grass. Maybe you are not familiar with frolicking. I will be more specific. When the sun is shiny and warm, I roll over on my back and hurl myself back and forth like a big, hyper, and very furry worm. And frantic. But very, very happy.

So I was on my back in the grass by the lake. Then I heard a splat. Instantly I was on my feet and at high alert. I quickly noticed the goose poop right next to me. Then I saw the goose. His beady, lifeless eyes bore into my skull.

"Hey! You pooped in my general direction!"  He only stared.

"It is NOT NICE to poop in the general direction of a ferocious and brave pooch like me!"

"HONK!!!!"

I did what any self-respecting canine would do. I peed a little and then barked at that goose of doom! 

"Bark, bark!"

He lazily turned his head then flew away. I DO NOT LIKE THE GOOSE OF DOOM! I knew this was not the end.

Hood of shame?

I said I would play a prank on Snowy.  I can not find a picture of her wearing a cone of shame, but this is pretty close. Doesn't she look happy?  I do not think this sweater fits her!  She sure is pretty, though.

Me and geese

You know that I am brave. I have told you this a bunch of times. I am a brave dog! 

I live near a lake. The lake has geese. We call them geese of doom. We call them that because they are evil. When I get out, I try to run to the lake so I can bark at them. They do not like this, but it is ok because I do not like them! I hope they will fly away to a different lake. Then our lake will be full of ducks, fish, and turtles, which I do like. Well, I do not like turtles a whole lot, but they are better than geese. Turtles do not honk!

One more thing. I must play a prank on Snowy soon. She wrote on my blog.

Ha ha!

Hi! This is Snowy. I am a good dog. Pete forgot to log out! I like butterflies. Pete is silly.

I like pretty things. Butterflies are pretty. Flowers are pretty. My friend Tiny is pretty. Mama is very pretty. Pete is not pretty. But I like him ok anyway. Bye!

Poem: Snow Goose (a limerick)

Snow Goose

There once was a goose that flew
The weather was so cold that it snew
The goose landed on ice
Said "This isn't nice!"
And then its legs turned blue

Deeper into the hole!

I already told you about the hole I found in the creek behind my fence.  If you missed that part, you should read it now.  It is here.

I am brave. I needed to go back and find the source of the very Interesting Smell that I had smelled with my super-powerful, enhanced-through-ninja-training dog nose.

I went back. This time I had my adventure pack with me. My adventure pack includes a hard hat for my head. The hat has a flashlight built in. My adventure pack also has bacon in it. In case of emergencies.

When I arrived at the hole, it was still there. It still smelled very interesting. I decided this was an emergency so I ate all the bacon. Then I put my hat on and went down.

The big pit was still in the big room down the tunnels. I found the ledge and decided to go to the other side. It was very narrow, but I am brave and really kind of small. I went for it.

The rock on the ledge was loose and slippery. I am brave and I made it to the other side. On the other side I saw another tunnel and I could tell the Interesting Smell was closer. I followed my nose down the tunnel.

After following the tunnel through many twists and turns, it opened to another big room. This was the biggest room I had ever seen! Interesting Smell lived here! A dragon also lived here! Yikes!

The dragon was sleeping and I am very brave. So I smelled him. The dragon is the Interesting Smell!  Mystery solved! The dragon stirred. I turned and RAN. I saw smoke come out his nose as I turned. I saw fire lick the sides of the tunnel around me. I DO NOT LIKE!!!!

I quickly made it back to the first room and crossed the ledge. As I got to the hole, I looked back. On the other side of the pit stood the dragon. He almost looked like he didn't want to eat me. He looked lonely. He looked like he needed a friend. Everyone needs a friend. But I DO NOT LIKE to get eaten, so I left.

I decided I would try to find dragon food and then come back and try to train this dragon. He smelled very interesting!

Super powers

Did you know I have super powers? In addition to being one of the bravest dogs ever (as long as there is no scary cheese around) and also having ninja dog skills, I am pretty sure I can shoot lasers out of my eyes.  I am a good boy, so I don't use this power except on geese. Even when I am very thirsty. I spin in circles to get my people to bring me water instead of shooting them with my lasers. I am a good boy.

If you think I am joking, look at this picture. It is proof.

Alone time

I am a pretty cute doggie.  Some days I just don't want my picture taken, though.  Please respect that. And don't touch my paw!

I found a hole in the ground

You may think I am crazy because of what I tell you today. I am not crazy. I am an adventurous doggie, but I am not crazy.

Last summer I escaped out our back fence. My people don't know it, but I do that almost every day.  Back there, there is a creek, but it is dry because it doesn't rain around here much. When I got out, I smelled lots of really neat smells. I wanted to smell them all! But one was more awesome than all the rest. So I followed my nose. I am brave!

Near the creek bed I found a hole in the ground. It looked like a pretty small hole, but the smell was coming from there. There were also a few wisps of smoke coming up from there. I thought that was strange. I decided to investigate. I am brave!

I began to dig. The hole opened up pretty easily because it was really a door. Behind it was a tunnel. I squeezed into it. It got dark pretty quickly, but I am a brave dog! I kept going.

After the tunnel twisted and turned a little bit, it open up into a big underground room. In the middle of the room was a very large hole in the ground. I could not see the bottom. I could not jump over it. I did not see any way to get across it or around it.

I sniffed and sniffed my side of the big room. It was very interesting. I smelled the same interesting smell that I smelled at the creek. While I was sniffing I noticed a little ledge on one side of the room. It was too small for people, but I am smaller than a people. I might just be able to get to the other side. It was time to eat, so I left. I decided I would come back later with some of my ninja equipment and go deeper into the tunnel!  I am a brave dog!

Paw Haiku

A Haiku for my Paw

Furry, furry paw

Oh, how I love my sweet paw

YOU CANNOT TOUCH IT!!!

Regarding the Paw

I have a rule. It is a simple rule but humans seem to have trouble with it.

YOU DON'T TOUCH THE PAW, THE PAW TOUCHES YOU!

I like to be scratched behind my ears, on my back, and on my belly. I provide ample surface area for your dog petting needs. Yet for some reason, humans want to touch my paw. I DO NOT LIKE!!

My paw is mine. I may touch you with it, but you much never touch it. I may sit on your chest and put my paw on your face when you forget to pet me. That is ok. But when you touch, pet, or even worse, grab my paw, I will run away. Then you will need to give me some bacon or cheese (but not scary cheese).

Awesomeness!

I have to tell you about what happened Saturday.  It was AWESOME!

The guy that feeds me and the boy that puts me out back every morning (which I DO NOT LIKE!!!!!) left early Saturday morning. When they left, that guy GOT THE LEASH OUT OF THE GARAGE AND GAVE IT TO MOM!  I spun in a lot of circles!

Mom put the leash on my collar and I got to RUN IN THE FRONT YARD!  There are lots of smells in the front yard that are not in the back yard. It was exciting!  I smelled squirrels and kitties and other dogs and the mail lady. IT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME!

Then I went inside. I was tired.

Cheesy Poem

Scary Cheese (by Pete)

Scary cheese, scary cheese 

you torment my mortal soul

You sound like cheese 

but you act like a homicidal hyena

Crinkle, Crinkle, POP

I beg and then I flop!

Sorry about the puddle

Scary Cheese

I'm a pretty brave dog. Everyone knows that. I fearlessly bark at geese. I courageously befriended the o-possum in the back yard. I eat anything that falls on the floor, including socks and mail. I even have a pet dragon. But this Halloween was the scariest of my life.

I love the crinkly cheese. You know, the kind that my people get out of the fridge that makes the crinkly sound before they throw it to you? I love that stuff. But there is a dark side. There is....scary cheese.

My boy got a toy. It looked like food. But when he pushes a button, IT GETS SCARY!!!!  I stick pops out that has plastic on it, and the plastic MAKES THE CRINKLE SOUND!!!! But it isn't cheese. It just sounds like cheese. And it pops out. It's scary. I may have wet just a little bit.

Bacon Poem

Ode to Bacon

Bacon, bacon, bacon.

I love, love, love it.

Bacon, bacon, bacon.

More please.

The wind in my ears

It's a ruff life.

Sometimes I get to ride in the car. Sometimes my friend Tiny gets to come too. My people don't ever roll the window down enough for me to jump out. It smells good outside the car! I want to run around and sniff it all!

It snowed at my house

It snowed at my house. That was a long time ago. Do I look happy?

I like the snow. I am very happy in this picture. Snow reminds my of one of my favorite dogs, Snowy. She is a good dog.

When it snows, I make trails in the back yard. Then I can run very fast over those trails! It is fun!

The O-Possum!

My name is Pete. I am a dog.

There is an O-possum that lives under the steps by my back porch. He is my friend. He always runs away when I go outside though. I love my o-possum friend.

I think about my o-possum friend a lot. When I am inside at night and I wake up from a nap I always like to check on my friend. I think he misses me. But he always runs off when I go outside! Silly o-possum!

Ode to my Opossum

Opossum, opossum, opossum

You are so awesome

Opossum under my stairs,

I want to sniff your hairs.

You have a very weird tail,

Will you play with me?

(written by Pete, the dog)

Typing Troubles

I bet you don't think about your thumbs much. Or your other fingers. It's hard to type when you are a dog!

It's a ruff life!

Hi There!

My name is Pete. I'm a dog.

Some people think that dogs have it easy. Take naps, chase squirrels, lick our back sides. But I'm here to tell you, that's all a myth. I've been a dog my whole life and I can tell you, it's a ruff life.